Self Care: Shukr - Gratitude
This ‘self care’ suggestion might seem counterintuitive. Many people would say that reminders to be grateful for all they have are unhelpful when their mental health is at a low ebb - even patronising. For most, the helplessness in the face of the belief that you shouldn’t be having these negative emotions or thoughts; that you don’t deserve to have them; that your situation isn’t bad enough to justify them, exacerbates the problem. And this kind of advice can indeed be incredibly dismissive of your individual experience.
However, as Muslims, we do have the advantage of somewhere to direct our gratitude, something beyond the earthly that can be a place of recourse when your thoughts begin to spiral. If we can appreciate Allah’s beautiful signs all around us at any time or in any place, it can shift our attention enough to gain perspective, to think more rationally about our circumstances and to dispel looping, intrusive thoughts, that drag us back to fear, negativity and despair.
Try and prioritise going out in Allah’s beautiful natural world and in natural light as much as possible, repeating Subhanallahi wa hamdulillahi wa la ilaha illaAllah Allah akbar as often as you can, while you go about your daily tasks. You do not need to set aside a special time or space to do this kind of ‘ibada, and even if you cannot quite bring yourself to feel it in your mind, using the words as a mantra, and meditating on their meanings for you and for others can be a helpful, positive, touchstone for processing those areas of your life for which you might - understandably - feel less grateful.
It can be helpful to remember Surat l-isra (17:44) - everything in creation is exalting Allah in gratitude for its existence. Rocks and the sun and plants all have their own way of embodying gratitude. Even if you can’t feel as grateful as you think you should in your normal way, you are embodying gratitude simply by existing as part of Allah’s beautiful creation. Start by remembering that you are mostly water. Water is grateful. Then some minerals and salts. Rocks are grateful. Then some billions of bacteria and microorganisms that live in, on and through you. They are all grateful. So if your brain is having a little trouble catching up, that’s ok. It’s only a small part of your whole existence. You do feel grateful, even if you can’t connect to that feeling, because your struggles have left you ungrounded and ‘disembodied’. And that is, at the very least, somewhere to begin.
From a psychotherapeutic perspective, practicing anything, even if it feels forced at first, builds the neural pathways that can make it easier for an attitude to become a default. Many mental heath conditions insidiously or overtly build negative pathways in your brain making it easier to think negatively/anxiously than it is to think practically/positively. As Muslims we have been given tools and techniques to help us build pathways (salat, dhikr etc.), and our faith can support us in the difficult task of reclaiming our minds, by making that in and of itself an act of gratitude.
It should go without saying that being unable to fully access your gratitude or successfully make ‘subhanallah’ a habit-forming mantra is not a personal failure, nor does it make you a poor Muslim. If you are struggling with deeper mental health issues, trauma, or in abusive or unstable circumstances this is not a complete solution, and you should not worry that any struggles with shukr are the cause or the root of your problems, and cannot be the whole solution. An Islamic counsellor or other mental health service can help you figure out a complete package of tools for processing your day to day feelings, resolving issues in your life, and help you make choices for a smoother, healthier, journey through life.