Self Care: Winter Loneliness
Loneliness is an issue that can affect any of us at any time of our lives. We might live on our own or with other people and still feel lonely. There are many different reasons why people may feel lonely but during the winter season, feelings of loneliness can be triggered or intensified. At this time of year there is a strong focus of connectedness and family gatherings; there is lots of imagery on tv, social media and in stores of families celebrating together and it’s easy to assume that everyone else in society is happy. If we compare ourselves to these images, it can intensify the feelings of disconnection and loneliness within us.
Unlike the images we may see in the media not everyone is having a wonderful time with family and friends. Not all families are happy families, and we may choose not to spend time with those who have hurt us in the past. However, this disconnection from our families may highlight our isolation during the winter period because the focus is so much on families coming together. But loneliness affects millions of people around the world, and for many it is perfectly normal to feel lonely especially during the holidays. Research, commissioned by the Eden Project found that 45% of all adults in the UK often feel lonely and loneliness also spans all age groups.
Many people this year will be grieving the loss of their loved ones during the Covid 19 pandemic.Recently, thousands of people were dying alone in hospital and their families were grieving alone, unable to say goodbye to their loved ones and unable to process their grief with others. We cannot underestimate the impact this has had on us individually, on our families and communities. Many of us are still coming to terms with the effects of enforced social isolation on our relationships, loneliness increased in people due to the enforced social isolation and bereavement during Covid 19.
It is crucial to feel connected to others, to feel connected to our families and our communities in order to stave off loneliness.
There are many people in our communities who may feel lonely such as refugees and those seeking asylum, those fleeing war torn countries who are physically separated from their loved ones, who maybe worrying for their family’s safety and who are trying to adjust to a new life in a different place, not knowing the language or knowing anyone here. They may feel desperately lonely. There are so many different groups in our society who may be enduring feelings of loneliness due to so many different reasons.
If you are feeling lonely, be kind and compassionate to yourself. It is entirely normal to feel lonely, there may be many reasons why you feel this way. Become your own community. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that the intensity of the feeling will pass. Looking after yourself physically and emotionally is extremely important to manage feelings of loneliness. This includes having enough exercise, sleep, and a healthy diet. Reach out to people you can trust, perhaps your family and friends for help, talk to them about how you are feeling, either in person or on the phone. If you have friends you can talk to, remember friends support each other and you are worthy of support.
If you cannot reach out to friends and family and you want to talk to someone in confidence, the NHS Mental Health Hub has advice and the NHS better help website has many numbers and support groups you can call if you need someone to talk to.
Be kind to yourself. Spend time doing things that you enjoy, whether it’s a book you want to read, or a film you want to see or if you want to binge watch your favourite tv shows. Spending time in nature increases feelings of wellbeing and being around people in public spaces such as a library, museum or coffee shop can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation. If you are lonely and grieving don't push yourself doing ‘a thousand shoulds’, listen to your heart and what it needs to be your priority to take care of yourself.
Finding a volunteer opportunity at a hospital, nursing home or soup kitchen can bring a sense of connection with others if this works for you. Joining a group or club, either in person or online with people of similar interests is another way to feel connected with others and reduce feelings of loneliness. Find what works best, also remember that if your feelings of loneliness worsened during the winter season these feelings come in waves each one will pass the objective now is not to fight it but to get through.
If feelings of loneliness persist, you may find it beneficial to explore your feelings of loneliness and the underlying causes with a counsellor.
Written by Farzana Noor
